Russia

So I am going to Russia after all! It was a spur of the moment decision, Christy and I decided to go just two weeks before we are slated to leave. And we leave in 3 days! On June 2nd, Christy and I will fly to Washington D.C., then to Frankfurt, Germany, and lastly onto St. Petersburg, Russia. We will meet a group of Americans there and run some English language camps where we will teach the Word of God and the good news of Christ to children and adults of all ages! After this, we will spend a few days in Sweden, and then go to Latvia where we will help train the Latvia team, then go to Vienna, Austria where we will meet the Slovakia team, then go to run a few of the same type of camps in Slovakia, and then spend a few days in Paris on the way home. We will make a valiant return home to the U.S.A on July 20th. And the cool thing is that my job is letting me off this long and my job will be waiting for me when I get home! Today was my last day there before I go away for 7 weeks, so some of my co-workers got me flowers and a balloon, and a homemade card. They're really sweet!
Eric left yesterday for three months in Montreal, Canada for a missions trip/internship thing. It's so amazing that he's doing it again for the second month in a row! But we miss him. It's weird when he's not here. He was one of our first friends in Albuquerque.
And just a few days ago, Abbey took her first few steps to me! It was quite funny, Jeremiah was frustrated and a little jealous!
I'm watching Abbey now, so I must return to the duties which I must carry out.
Until next time.

And So It Is

And so it is that things are clear for me. It is unbelievable to realize that though there is a person in your life right now that you love and care about so much, they will not always be there. Especially when you want to be with them forever, but they say that they are "not at a place in life where they are ready to be in a relationship" and that it would be "unfair" for them to be in a relationship with you because their plans in life are up in the air. But "it's not you or anything, because I still feel the same way for you, I still love you".
But now I must put my intense emotions and feelings for him aside, even though I don't know if I ever can.
I do know, however, that I cannot go on hoping that something will happen and that one of these days he will wake up and realize he cannot live without me. Because he believes he is doing what God has told him to do. So I have put all of this in God's hands, trusting that He has a plan. He knows whether or not we will end up together one day. No amount of hoping or planning is going to let me take control of that.
So yes, I do love him more than ever. Yes, I do hurt more than ever because he kept saying things to make me believe he had intentions for me. Yes, I have cried more and harder than I ever thought possible. But yes, I do want the best for him.
God, be my strength. Help me to be a friend to him because I care about him so deeply and I want to respect his needs.
So, to you out there that this regards:
I love you more than anything.
And I have to move on.

Still

I feel pulled yet still. The pain is worse every day.
All I can do is ask God to lighten my load.
But it hurts more than anything.

And Life Is Painful. So painful.

It's extremely hard to put into words what I am feeling right now. It's the feeling when you love someone so deeply but they are hesitant. You know and believe with all of your heart that they are the only one for you, and for the rest of your life you only want them in your life. You would do absolutely anything for them, even perform an action or carry out a duty resulting in pain.
I have never cried so much in my entire life. The physical pain is there. It's true, your heart and soul physically hurt. But this cannot compare to the emotional pain you are experiencing.
But because I have faith in this relationship, and ultimately God, I will press forward. I am in constant prayer, devotion, Bible reading, seeking counsel, and agonizing waiting and patience.
I know God has a plan in this so I will take comfort in that.
But oh how it hurts.
How I hurt.
Will things ever mend for the better?

This is what people do on vacation. Seri

This is what people do on vacation. Seriously. Thank goodness i had absolutely nothing to do with it.

An Unexpected Turn

So this weekend my family and I made the drive to California, where I am. On the way, we stopped in Las Vegas (but not for the reasons you immediately assume!), because Dan and Maggie live there. I took my last final, which didn't go as well as I would have liked, but I am done, nevertheless! I am so very happy. We then went to see Iron Man at a big, fairly nice yet somewhat slightly slimy and tacky movie theater. And yes, it did have a casino in it. Come on, it's Vegas. The movie was far better than I had expected, packed with action, suspense, and humor. I love being with Dan and Maggie, they are so much fun.
Saturday morning we drove to California. We went to Huntington Beach, it was so beautiful. The ocean is about as good as it gets on this earth, God is more creative than creativity itself. Sunday we went to Disneyland, Dan and Maggie drove all the way out to meet us, and so did some friends, Matt and his wife Cori and their baby. I love this place. So much. My motherly instincts kicked in when i held the baby.
This weekend has gone differently than I had originally planned. Just a few weeks ago, another person was supposed to join us, but because of some unforseeable events, they did not come. So everything that I did, everything I saw, and everything anyone said reminded me of them and how i missed them. And my family was definitely getting tired of me saying so. So I had a very long talk with my mom, and also Maggie, and decided that I needed to change some things in my life so as to mend a few broken relationships. I realized that I am prideful, and so very bad with and very much so lacking communication skills. I owed this person a huge apology, and so I had a talk with them. And it went well, and I realized that I cannot go on as I am right now.
And I know that I am in love. And I cannot run from that, no matter how much I am afraid of the idea. So now I will wait on God, be in prayer, and keep close to Him. And I am so very anxious, nervous, and also excited see where He will lead me.
Today came just as soon as yesterday departed. We drove to Santa Monica, hoping for good weather. Unfortunately, it was barely 60 degrees and very cloudy and windy--so we could not stay at the beach. We then drove to Hollywood for lunch, and then drove Mulholland Drive up in the beautiful mountains. We went back to the hotel to take a small break, and then we went to dinner.
Now we all know that today was Cinco de Mayo, or in English--which is this country's official language (yes, even in New Mexico)-- the "Fifth of May", and so we ate Mexican cuisine for dinner. Even though none of us know why the "Fifth of May" is such a big, celebratory day, we celebrated it with salty tortilla chips and a tropical salad, nonetheless. So good.
So tonight we went to the Irvine Spectrum, a wonderful shopping experience, if I may say so. After a very productive trip, we got to our car and realized a few things were missing.
And I exclaimed the inevitable--we had been robbed. My new Zune was missing, as was Christy's Zune, John's camera, his video camera, my credit cards, my debit card, all of my gift cards, as well as Christy's debit card and all of her gift cards. I am so angry. I feel so violated. They touched the very wallet that I am touching now, and that makes me even angrier. So now, after realizing they used nearly 900 dollars off of my credit cards, 350 of Christy's, and almost 400 dollars off of my father's credit card, my dad and Christy are back in Irvine talking to the police men.
Christy says it's interesting, so we'll see what happens. But I need some sleep now, so I'll finish this story tomorrow evening.
Sweet dreams.

We went to disneyland yesterday and plan

We went to disneyland yesterday and plan to return tomorrow. Its so magical. I am so happy there. I am like a child who has just eaten her first fistfull of peanut butter cookie dough.